I stumbled upon roadblocks and fumbled upon my speech when shocked, and mother necessity forced me to accept life and I had to but not by choice defy death, which my heart desired then.
When I look back, I see I have come a long way from insecured, emotional fool to a matured individual who has in the process of survival learnt to find the deeper meaning of life in sufferings, tears, momentary happiness, life at times bestowed and following Kahlil Gibran's preachings learnt to control the basic instincts which if not mastered by a human, can lead oneself to destruction.
The gravity of control on oneself cannot be attained in a day.It comes with perseverance, bearing the pain which runs down like a shiver every now and then, killing the person within and leading oneself die several death.Easier said than done, life is a great teacher.Never do we learn from others mistake.Advice if sought is easier to be given rather than implementing on oneself.Situational incidents fail advice as no two human can react the same manner though the baseline remains similar often.
Human emotions and reactions are categorised as Anger,Grief, Happiness,Surprise and we understand them by various forms of expression associated to it, which is again linked to the situations we face in our day to day lives.
The twists and turns in my life gave me different meanings and different thought processes at one point point or the other.Melancholy stayed for long and happiness was the most coveted as always like all.But that's called a state of mind in layman's term.Problems and sorrows persist in every individual's life span but question lies in the fact that how can one find ways to smile always in troubled waters too?
Can one find a reason to be happy when loses a dear one as because "Happiness is a state of mind"?or is there a way to obtain it when two loved souls part with heavy understanding hearts, or is it a state of mind which can be there when soldiers die over two nations fight making us feel they are martyrs on no one's land?
Does happiness sublime all of these and many such feelings as a state of mind then?What is happiness?....And I have been quite unsuccessful to find the accurate meaning of this word.It may be a heavily loaded statement amongst multifarious range of books, articles and philosophies based on the same.
Is it a facade we live in or a utopian world's desire which we try to build around us?...A phony state where we all try to follow the sayings and well written books or well discussed debates and try to adopt the state of mind and smile to the world with our so called happy faces.Is it an art of deception or a fight against the cobweb of sorrows?
Pessimism is often associated with Happiness as happiness can never be achieved with a pessimistic bent of mind.I would like to coin survival and control of emotions to happiness in such a scenario, where no set back, trauma or suffering can move a person back as hindrance from living life.But in the process of survival, does the person really stays happy or manages to survive with the optimism gleaming out?
A failed relationship, again a failed relationship, unsuccessful marriage, or a marriage with no issues, or unsuccessful career with no roadblocks can really push a person towards agony, desertion and depression.Are the thoughts on state of mind stronger than the survival instinct which keeps a person going then?
A lost traveller in an Oasis seeks a refuge,
A panic crowd waits for the bomb to diffuse,
Nature Lover make efforts to prevent misuse,
Kids always look for reasons to be amused.
The over worked bulb one day has to fuse,
The incompatible couple one day has to hurl abuse,
Laughter or sorrow at no point we can ever choose,
A sunken heart and a disheartened soul looks only for booze,
Aging beauty to hide her pallid face uses rouge........
Dependency is what is a vicious circle in everything we do.Respite is brought in the momentary solutions to the problems then.Change is the only constant thing in life people say..............
It has been a long break indeed and I wasn't able to come to terms with what I have touched upon as a topic.Today I thought of adding a bit more to what I have started writing.Off lately I have been waking up very gloomy and feel that the survival instinct in me has been fading away.The optimism wears out with every distance between my desire to be with my companion, which I seek as of now as happiness.The ennui seems to have settled in my very bones, thus killing all my strength and the survival instinct with which I have faced the lows so far.I remember the very recent conversation I had on my way to office with two of my colleagues where they linked my achievements and what lies in my fate to my previous birth and my deeds then and quite contrary to my actual belief, I replied that I only know my present self, life and the deeds I have done and when we often say that the purgatory and heaven and hell lies here on Earth, then why associating anything to our past life.I probably need to read more on Past Life Regression Therapy to get a deeper meaning of the argument.
When I look back, I see I have come a long way from insecured, emotional fool to a matured individual who has in the process of survival learnt to find the deeper meaning of life in sufferings, tears, momentary happiness, life at times bestowed and following Kahlil Gibran's preachings learnt to control the basic instincts which if not mastered by a human, can lead oneself to destruction.
The gravity of control on oneself cannot be attained in a day.It comes with perseverance, bearing the pain which runs down like a shiver every now and then, killing the person within and leading oneself die several death.Easier said than done, life is a great teacher.Never do we learn from others mistake.Advice if sought is easier to be given rather than implementing on oneself.Situational incidents fail advice as no two human can react the same manner though the baseline remains similar often.
Human emotions and reactions are categorised as Anger,Grief, Happiness,Surprise and we understand them by various forms of expression associated to it, which is again linked to the situations we face in our day to day lives.
The twists and turns in my life gave me different meanings and different thought processes at one point point or the other.Melancholy stayed for long and happiness was the most coveted as always like all.But that's called a state of mind in layman's term.Problems and sorrows persist in every individual's life span but question lies in the fact that how can one find ways to smile always in troubled waters too?
Can one find a reason to be happy when loses a dear one as because "Happiness is a state of mind"?or is there a way to obtain it when two loved souls part with heavy understanding hearts, or is it a state of mind which can be there when soldiers die over two nations fight making us feel they are martyrs on no one's land?
Does happiness sublime all of these and many such feelings as a state of mind then?What is happiness?....And I have been quite unsuccessful to find the accurate meaning of this word.It may be a heavily loaded statement amongst multifarious range of books, articles and philosophies based on the same.
Is it a facade we live in or a utopian world's desire which we try to build around us?...A phony state where we all try to follow the sayings and well written books or well discussed debates and try to adopt the state of mind and smile to the world with our so called happy faces.Is it an art of deception or a fight against the cobweb of sorrows?
Pessimism is often associated with Happiness as happiness can never be achieved with a pessimistic bent of mind.I would like to coin survival and control of emotions to happiness in such a scenario, where no set back, trauma or suffering can move a person back as hindrance from living life.But in the process of survival, does the person really stays happy or manages to survive with the optimism gleaming out?
A failed relationship, again a failed relationship, unsuccessful marriage, or a marriage with no issues, or unsuccessful career with no roadblocks can really push a person towards agony, desertion and depression.Are the thoughts on state of mind stronger than the survival instinct which keeps a person going then?
A lost traveller in an Oasis seeks a refuge,
A panic crowd waits for the bomb to diffuse,
Nature Lover make efforts to prevent misuse,
Kids always look for reasons to be amused.
The over worked bulb one day has to fuse,
The incompatible couple one day has to hurl abuse,
Laughter or sorrow at no point we can ever choose,
A sunken heart and a disheartened soul looks only for booze,
Aging beauty to hide her pallid face uses rouge........
Dependency is what is a vicious circle in everything we do.Respite is brought in the momentary solutions to the problems then.Change is the only constant thing in life people say..............
It has been a long break indeed and I wasn't able to come to terms with what I have touched upon as a topic.Today I thought of adding a bit more to what I have started writing.Off lately I have been waking up very gloomy and feel that the survival instinct in me has been fading away.The optimism wears out with every distance between my desire to be with my companion, which I seek as of now as happiness.The ennui seems to have settled in my very bones, thus killing all my strength and the survival instinct with which I have faced the lows so far.I remember the very recent conversation I had on my way to office with two of my colleagues where they linked my achievements and what lies in my fate to my previous birth and my deeds then and quite contrary to my actual belief, I replied that I only know my present self, life and the deeds I have done and when we often say that the purgatory and heaven and hell lies here on Earth, then why associating anything to our past life.I probably need to read more on Past Life Regression Therapy to get a deeper meaning of the argument.
Here I am back again questioning my happiness and survival...well well this time it isnt about my desire for companionship but losing my identity and moving to a big, more responsible phase in life.....Yes "My Step to marriage".My fight for survival also helped me find a companion making my wait for that special someone come to an end......a match I thank the almighty for.....a friend for life who tries make every moment of my life worth cherishing,miss him for he is far away in a different geography and it is only the wedding date that can get us together now.With such an ecstatic moment of getting engaged being just two months old I again feel that like any other human I quest for more.With so many sudden changes making me realise with marriage comes new relations,responsibilities,time management(efforts to be in touch with my extended family memebers) I am equally upset about the fact that I took a sabbatical from work in my effort to spend the last few months of my spinsterhood with my parents.....bidding goodbye to my eleven years struggle to start from the scratch, rise to a point where I was independent,strong,had a name of my own,fell in love with the place I stayed NCR.....goods and bads the city gave me, the friends I made a whole list of things which I miss in my idle musings of my own life....Those were the days....which made me become what I am today...sitting here now I realise I have a huge list of living and non living things, incidents and accidents,moments and memories to thank irrespective of the fact that not all of them were good or worth mentioning in my book of life.
I love to stay lost in my deliberate reverie...a phantasm of my life there which was dictated, governed, ruled and most importantly loved by me.....I am trying to come to terms with this relaxed, dull not so mine kind of living purely dependent on my parents for sometime again and then dependent on Sarang my Fiance and my future husband.....Am I happy? or am I surviving?Is it a resurrection? comes the question?I am indeed happy and still surviving but then why is this inner conflict......why sudden mood swing which troubles me....contemplating the same gives me a picture where I realise......oh there calls mom....Need to be back in a while before I lose the spirit of penning own what is flowing in...................
3 comments:
As the saying goes >>> "Where fear is, happiness is not"
Remove this fear completely,happiness is everywhere.Life is a roller coaster sometimes it gets suppressed (for short period of time )but never gets lost,keep your arms open , it will do comeback and fill you world with smiles , smiles more smiles .....
there is always a quest for happiness in mankind , which leads to achieve state of happiness on regular basis.
Never Never,Never Give UP -- Winston Churchill
Thats very nice blog Setu.. long time no nice blog from U.
Nicely explained..loved this one of yours
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